Bereavement

Bereavement

Frequently Asked Questions

  • How am I supposed to feel when I have lost someone I am close to?
    There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there is no one way that you are supposed to feel. Losing someone you love is very painful and you will experience a range of different emotions during this time. These could be emotions such as shock, anger, and guilt, as well as an overwhelming sense of sadness or loneliness at times. For some of us these feelings are not normal and can be frightening but they are a normal reaction to loss and it is ok to feel them. You need to accept them as a part of the grieving process and allow yourself the time to feel the different emotions.
  • How long will my grieving last?
    There is no real time frame, or no normal time, for how long your grieving should last. Healing from losing someone happens gradually and is something that cannot be forced or hurried. It is also dependent on the circumstances around the passing of your loved one, as well as how you deal with things. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months and for others it takes longer. Sudden death can often be seen as being harder; however, the greatest loss is the one that the grieving person is suffering right now.
  • How do I deal with a sudden death?
    A sudden, accidental or unexpected death changes your world as you know it. It can leave you feeling shaken, unsure and reeling in what has happened for quite some time. You may find that your grief response following a sudden death is intensified because of the lack of time you have had to say goodbye. Sometimes there is unfinished business. This can generate a wide range of feelings including anger, guilt, extreme shock, depression and a real sense of hopelessness.
  • How do I deal with a suicide?
    Grief from any passing of a loved one is hard. However, suicide brings with it, its own deep issues because of the traumatic nature of the death. Suicide can leave the family with a huge number of unanswered questions and also an overwhelming sense of guilt. The greatest thing to remember is that no one was to blame for the suicide.
  • How do I deal with the loss of a parent?
    Dealing with a parent’s death is never easy, no matter what age we are or how old our parents are. The death of a parent can be a life-changing experience. Someone that may have been there all your life is no longer around. The person that you have gone to for your guidance is no longer there. Grieving is a process of dealing with the fact that we have lost a parent and enables us to be able to remember eventually without pain. There may always be sadness but the pain will diminish. Like losing any loved one grieving the loss of a parent depends on a number of factors. While the age and health of a parent can help prepare you for the death, it does not diminish the grief that you will still feel and the journey that you need to go on.
  • How do I help my child/children deal with losing a sibling or parent?
    The best thing that you can do for your children is to be honest with them and encourage them to communicate their feelings, and to ask the questions that they have. You may not feel that you have all the answers, and that is ok, and be honest about this too. It is important to create an environment where children feel safe to talk about how they are feeling, whilst knowing that there is no right or wrong way to feel.
  • How do I support someone who is grieving?
    Don’t try and be someone that you are not. Be you to the person that is grieving. A grieving person needs a friend, or relative, that is willing to be there for them, listen most of all, sit with them, and be honest with them. Ask if there is anything practical that they would like you to do. Don’t be offended if they push you away. It is more about what they are feeling about the situation than what they are feeling about you.
  • Where can I go if I need extra support?
    There are many good counsellors and therapists around that will be able to help you and give you the extra support that you need. These people are always a good place to start.

    There are certain things that you need to keep in mind, or that may be helpful when you are going through grief.

    • Accept that grief is normal and that it is natural to want to cry and you shouldn’t hold back the tears when you feel the need.
    • Allow yourself time to grieve and know that there is no specific right time frame. It is dependent on so many things, eg relationship, timing etc.
    • Read books and find information on dealing with losing someone that you love or are close to.
    • Don’t isolate yourself. People will want to be around you and help, and need you to let them do this. Surround yourself with people that love and care for you. There are times when spending time on your own can make the feelings worse.
    • If you start to feel depressed and feel as though you can’t function then talk to a counsellor or therapist. There is no shame in asking for help when you need it.
    • Expect holiday time to be difficult, including special family occasions, such as birthdays and anniversaries. That is ok. Surround yourself with people that can love and care for you during these days.
    • You might like to find a support group to attend, or find people that have been through similar grief to talk to.
    • Often families like to have a memorial in memory of their loved one. It is somewhere to go to remember their loved one. You may also like to create a special album or a scrapbook to look through.
    • Spend time with others talking about the one that you have lost, sharing memories, laughing and crying.
 
 


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